206 21.12.2011 22:16:35 An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted."You must mean the lift," he said."No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.""Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts"."Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator.""Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language."
201 21.12.2011 22:16:35 A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
202 21.12.2011 22:16:35 A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had given birth to eight children. The line was bad, and the operator didn't hear the message. "Would you repeat that?" the operator asked. "Not if I can help it," said the mother.
203 21.12.2011 22:16:35 Passing a cemetery in the wee hours of the morning, a drunk noticed a sign that read, RING THE BELL FOR THE CARETAKER. He did just that, and a sleepyeyed man staggered to the gate. "What do you want at this hour?" the man demanded. The drunk looked the caretaker over for a minute and then retorted, "I want to know why you can't ring the damn bell yourself?!"
113 21.12.2011 22:16:35 A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi'."