537 29.01.2016 5:02:49 Stojí policajt na parkovišti před jedním barem a čeká na zavíračku.Chvíli před zavíračkou se najednou z baru vypotácí chlápek, který sotva stojí na nohou. Policajt se na něho zaměří a čeká.Muž se klátivou chůzí dostane až na parkoviště, kde s námahou vytáhne klíče z kapsy. Vyzkouší je nejmíň do pěti aut, mezitím mu klíče několikrát upadnou i on několikrát upadne.Konečně nalezne svoje auto, otevře ho, sedne si za volant a deset minut tam jen tak sedí a pokouší se auto nastartovat. Mezitím už všichni ostatní hosté odjedou.Když konečně motor naskočí, policista neváhá, stoupne si před auto a nechá muže vystoupit. Pak mu dá fouknout a kupodivu nic. Policajt se diví, jak je to možné a chlápek povídá:"Dneska jsem byl určený jako volavka já."
320 21.12.2011 22:16:36 A man noticed he was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. Not wanting to let the crazed woman push him, he stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by flooring it.The tailgating woman slammed on her brakes, then her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, the jailer approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects."I'm sorry for this mistake," he says. "You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.""Yeah, so?" she says."Naturally," he concluded, "I assumed you had stolen the car."
273 21.12.2011 22:16:36 Opilec se vpotácel do svého auta a šmátral klíčkem, aby mohl nastartovat. Irský policista, který pozoroval jeho pochod z hospody k autu, k němu přijde a praví:“Snad nepomýšlíte na řízení vozu v tomto stavu?”“Podívejte se, člověče, dyť já bych ten kilometr pěšky neušel!”
234 21.12.2011 22:16:35 To takhle si jednou jedou manželé se dvěma dětmi na výlet a dojedou k zátarasu, kde je staví policajt.Ten říka řidiči, že tam dál je strašná bouračka, spousta krve, volně pohozené ruce, nohy, hlavy bez těl, no proste masakr.Řidič se koukne na rodinku do vozu, všichni jemně přikývnou.Kejvne tedy na policajta a říká:"Tak jo... dva dospělý a dva dětský."
201 21.12.2011 22:16:35 A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."