397 27.12.2011 21:33:38 Právník, který zrovna mořil jednoho svědka v dlouhém křížovém výslechu, se najednou zarazí a povídá soudci: "Vaše ctihodnosti, jeden porotce spí!"A soudce mu odvětil: "Vy jste ho uspal, vy si ho vzbuďte."
350 21.12.2011 22:16:36 In a small midwestern conservative town, there wasn't a place to get a drink for miles around, so a local entrepreneur saw an opportunity: He started to build a tavern.Liking a "dry" town, the local church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. The businessman was polite when congregants came to protest, but work continued on the tavern.But the night before the grand opening, a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.The church folks were rather smug in their piousness after that -- until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.At the first hearing, the judge held up the paperwork and took in the lawyers and both sides of the lawsuit."I don't know how I'm going to decide this," the judge said, "but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner that believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't."
339 21.12.2011 22:16:36 Two elderly friends, Bill and Sam, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it, figuring maybe he had a cold or some such.But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.A month had passed and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day Sam approached the park and lo and behold there sat Bill!Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?"Bill replied, "I have been in jail.""Jail?" cried Sam!! "What in the world for?""Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the diner where we sometimes get coffee?"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?""Well last month she charged me with sex assault and I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty' -- and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
332 21.12.2011 22:16:36 A woman with her own business was thriving based on her sterling reputation. When she decided she needed a lawyer to help her incorporate, she was worried that their typical reputation might stain hers, so she was carefully interviewing the available business lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?""Honest?" replied the prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest! Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me $105,000 for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case!""Impressive," she said. "I think you just may have the job."But then she saw a suspicious twinkle in his eye."Just a minute," she said. "What was your first case?""Well," he said, "my dad sued me for the money."
309 21.12.2011 22:16:36 A woman walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.Her curiosity getting the better of her, she goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'""But why?" asks the woman."I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.